Little Butterfly

Little Butterfly, won’t you tell me why

With wings so beautiful

You fold them in and cry

Oh darling please tell me why

Little Butterfly, don’t let the time pass by

Before you know it you’ll be wishing

You’da lived your life

Don’t tell me it’s ‘cause you’re shy

 

‘Cause I think it’s ‘cause you’re scared, terrified

That you’ll get caught in a web

Already stuck, web of lies

And now you’ll never fly

You say you’d rather die,

Little butterfly

 

Little Butterfly, please don’t say goodbye

Can’t leave unless you fail

And you won’t fail if you don’t try

No, you don’t have an alibi

 

‘Cause I think it’s ‘cause you’re scared, terrified

That you’ll get caught in a web

Already stuck, web of lies

And now you’ll never fly

You say you’d rather die,

Little butterfly

 

Little Butterfly, I think I now know why

You were scared to face the world

And so you chose to hide

You were waiting to be revived

 

But now I know it’s ‘cause you’re scared, terrified

That you’ll get caught in a web

Already stuck, web of lies

And now you’ll never fly

You say you’d rather die

You say you’d rather die

Little butterfly

 

These are the lyrics to a song I wrote when I was 15.  15 years old and I was feeling the immense weight of uncontrollable anxiety and fear. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear to face the world and accept who I truly am. If you would have asked me at the time, “Leah, what are you afraid of?” I would have sheepishly proclaimed, “Nothing really”. Not because I was trying to seem tough (well that might have been part of it), but because I was completely unaware of the grip that fear had on my life. I wasn’t too frightened by little things like snakes and spiders. Darkness, heights, and performing in front of people didn’t bother me. But yet from a young age, fear controlled my life. I was afraid of not knowing where to go or feeling unsafe in everyday situations. I was afraid of trying something and not having it meet my expectations. In my mind, I was afraid of things that didn’t quite seem logical. So I invalidated my fears and told myself everything was fine, unwilling to admit I had fears much less face them.

Here’s a little guy I captured in action awhile back.

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And here’s the thing about butterflies. They are creatures of restoration, revival, rebirth, and renewal… all things re. They weren’t always so beautiful. They started out as creatures completely incapable of doing what they were made to do, unable to reach their full potential until a complete transformation took place. And so once the little caterpillar becomes a butterfly, it is expected to fly, right? But what if that’s not always the case. What if the butterfly was used to being a caterpillar for so long, it didn’t even realize it had wings. What if once it did realize it had wings, it was too afraid to take flight. It would be missing out! But finally it discovers that its fear of flying hadn’t allowed it to accept who it really was, a caterpillar transformed into a beautiful butterfly.

I know I am that butterfly. Forgetful of my true identity, thus fearful of taking flight. But once I am transformed, there is no going back. Once I am made new, there is no undoing of that. Once I am healed I am healed once and for all. All I have to do is accept it and just be.

Now I am very aware of the way fear creeps in and paralyzes you. It cripples you and keeps you from doing exactly what God has called you to. An incredibly sneaky tactic of the enemy. But I am also aware that because of Jesus, the reality is just like the Bethel song says, “I am no longer a slave to fear”. That is something I must actively choose to believe in order to find freedom in it.

Don’t get caught in the lies and find yourself waiting for something that has already happened. But rather accept the work Jesus has already finished on the cross for you, my child. His love and His grace are too wonderful for us to comprehend sometimes. So we just sit there with these big, glorious wings right on our backs. But I can promise you that if you keep following Him, He will lead you to flight.

Leah

 

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